i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
