I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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