I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
