i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
