So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
