and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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