Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
