I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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