All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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