He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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