so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
