Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
we're so committed to being not committed
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
