Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Sext me about skeletons
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
