omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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