his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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