I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
