Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
