I think im going to throw up on grandma
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
