There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Life is so much better after having sex.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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