Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
