Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
