:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
