I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
