i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
