Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
