Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
