This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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