you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
