oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Welp...herpes.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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