I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
