No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
