Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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