So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
