My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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