Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
