I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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