I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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