All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
