your room smells of hookers.
And success
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
