Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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