The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
