i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i dont even know how to be here
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Also, beer. Big fan.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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