You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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