god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
