by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
