You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
