I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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