You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
