No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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