She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
