youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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