i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
