dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
